Managing emotions can be challenging.
Have you ever had the experience of reacting too quickly? We’ve all been there. It often happens when we are upset, and usually looks like this:
You are triggered
You react negatively
Time passes
You calm down
You regret reacting that way
Why does managing emotions seem so challenging?
When we are faced with a perceived threat (notice the word ‘perceived’ here), the sympathetic nervous system reacts automatically and immediately.
Another way to describe this is the fight-or-flight response. This is one of our built-in defense mechanisms that is designed to help save our lives when we are truly in danger.
The down side of perceived threats is that often this fight-or-flight response gets triggered even when we are not actually in danger. The result is that we may react with defensiveness, anger, or withdrawal. These sorts of reactions may cause problems in our relationships and lives.
Until we learn effective ways for managing emotions, this cycle may continue throughout our lives.
The key to managing emotions: a PAUSE.
It may seem very difficult to take a step back when you are emotionally triggered. Due to the primal nature of the fight-or-flight response, all you want to do is to protect yourself by lashing out, or running away. However, pausing is the best thing you can do.
Pausing gives you the opportunity to take a step back, decide on a positive reaction or response, then move forward. This is empowering, because you are taking control of your decisions and reactions, vs. allowing your triggers to determine this for you.
With practice, you can get good at pausing.
Here are some tips:
1. Practice pausing in non-threatening situations. The next time you are in a light conversation with somebody, pause before you speak. Just hold off and listen. There is no need to say anything immediately. Allow thoughts to arise in your mind and let them be there.
2. Become familiar with your triggers. During interactions that may be more heated, tune into any sensations building inside of you. This may be a rising pulse, a knot in your belly, or something else.
Notice if you ego wants to butt in and defend its position. Do your best to stay with these triggers while you pause. Think of them as reminders to activate your internal pause button.
3. Use your breath. When pausing seems challenging, your breath is a great helper for calming your triggers. Take a few slow, deep breaths as you continue to pause.
4. Press ‘play’ when you are ready. After a few moments, allow yourself to respond, with awareness.
Pausing may feel very challenging at first, and it may seem that a LOT of time is passing. But stick with it. The urge to react or respond is sometimes very strong.
Do your best to stay in pause a few extra seconds long enough so that you feel more centered, even if it’s just a little bit. With practice, you will gain control over your reactions, and as a result feel more empowered.
What better time to make a change than NOW?
– Lynne
Founder, Mindset Mental Coaching
